Who’s cheating? You might be surprised.

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According to AshleyMadison.com, the typical cheating husband might surprise you.

Instead of a scummy Leisuresuit Larry, a survey of Ashley Madison members revealed that the average cheater:

• is in his 40s
• has been married for more than a decade
• has two kids
• works in IT or engineering

The last one seems surprising, considering how male-dominated high tech workplaces are. But IT nerds are more likely to conduct personal business online and would have less opportunity to commit adultery with coworkers.

Of course, since it’s a self-reported survey of known lying cheaters, you may want to take this data with a grain of salt.

What profession do you think would be most likely to dominate the ranks of cheaters?

Another dating site password leak…

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This time from eHarmony, it appears:

“After investigating reports of compromised passwords, we have found that a small fraction of our user base has been affected,” eHarmony said in a blog post. “We are continuing to investigate but would like to provide the following actions we are taking to protect our members.”

Via PCMag.com. Apparently there were 1.5 million passwords leaked.

Between the MilitarySingles password leak, and the LinkedIn leak that occurred simultaneous with this one, are you taking more care with your passwords? I’ve started using a trick I learned on Lifehacker to create unique passwords for every site using a combination of letters from the name of that site – I’d tell you more, but then I’d have to change all my passwords again!

How many strikes until you’re done with online dating?

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In the Los Angeles Times, Nicole Christopher writes that after three (admittedly awful) online dating experiences, she’s sworn it off:

He stood me up a second time but called six hours later. That prompted me to start digging. I found out that Leigh didn’t live where he said he did. He wasn’t technically divorced, and “Leigh” was one of several names he used. I didn’t know who I was dating. I was done.

What would have to happen to completely turn you off of online dating?

Shocking user-created content on dating sites!

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Sites like OKCupid let potential daters upload their own questions for themselves and others to answer. But what happens when the questions reveal more than the answers? Teresa Johnson at The Horn shares some doozies:

“No means NO!”

To me, this isn’t a question up for discussion. And the only user response I consider acceptable is “Always. Period.” But there are three other possible responses that chill me to the bone:

-“Mostly, but occasionally it’s really a Yes in disguise.”

-“A No is just a Yes that needs a little convincing!”

-And “Never, they all want me. They just don’t know it.”

I would hope that the site she’s referring to allows her to see which user uploaded this question, so she can steer FAR clear of him – and suggest other women do the same.

Have you ever seen something on a dating site that made you say “oh HELL no”? Share it with the crowd!

How strong is your online dating password?

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The hacking of military dating site MilitarySingles.com has been examined, and while the crux of the security weakness came from the site’s upload architecture and poorly protected data, customers made themselves especially vulnerable by using weak passwords:

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How secure is the password you’re using on an online dating site? Test yours on the How Secure Is My Password? site, and if you get a poor rating, try adding numbers or other special characters, or try another tool.

Dating online is hard enough without the world finding out that your OKCupid.com password is “loveskittens”!

What do women want from online dating?

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It’s pretty commonly accepted at this point that when it comes to dating, men and women are different. We have different priorities, different criteria, and above all, different concerns.

A man might be afraid that the woman he meets online turns out to be ten years older and twenty pounds heavier than her photo. Women are afraid of violence, stalkers, or worse.

That’s why I bang my head on my desk (or the bar) every time I read a male app developer talking about how women will love his app because it’s purple.

Honey, if that’s all it took, Nordstrom would be full of Barney the Dinosaur purses.

Online dating sites and apps succeed or fail on whether or not women use them. So what do women want from a dating site or app? Here’s what my anecdata holds, and what app developers can learn from it.

Control

Women tend to be more cautious about how exposed they are than men. When the excrement hit the air conditioning over the Girls Around Me app, the women I knew split into two distinct camps – those who were younger, more jaded about online privacy, and less worried about what potential stalkers would do with this information; and those who make a habit of periodically locking down their Facebook privacy settings as a matter of digital hygiene. The lesson for women is that any app that encourages you to “check in” probably uses an API (application programming interface) that allows developers of other apps to display that information in whatever way they see fit.

Takeaway: Let women control who can view their profile information, including photos, no matter how innocuous that information may seem to men.

Privacy

A friend of mine called it the “Preparation H problem” – no one is going to “Like” the Preparation H page on Facebook because they don’t want their friends to know they have hemorrhoids. Similarly, no one – especially women – wants their friends and family to know that they’re trolling for tail on the internet.

Takeaway: Don’t force users to log in to your app using Facebook, even if you promise not to post to their Facebook walls.

Quality

Craigslist is the shortbus of online dating. That’s because there’s no quality control, no requirements, and no guidance on what daters should include based on best practices and research. Women spend more than 50% longer than men reading profiles, yet most of the “m4w” ads on Craigslist lack basic information. The more data we have, the more comfortable we are – and there are already too many horror stories about women being harmed by their online suitors.

Takeaway: Encourage all users, but especially men, to fill out their profiles thoroughly with completion bars and percentages or “badges” or other gamification tools.

What lies have you told in an online personal ad?

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If you’re online dating, it’s a safe assumption to add 20 pounds to a woman’s weight and subtract 2 inches from a man’s height. Brian Moylan at Vice agrees with me. Best quote:

Dating websites are like reality shows: no one is there to make friends.

I’ll admit to exaggerating how social I am, but haven’t (had to) lie about my weight, cultural cred, or penis size. Ahem. Although, Brian? I actually do listen to Mozart, so there.

What’s the most inaccurate thing you’ve ever put in an online dating profile?

Should women have all the control in online dating?

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A new dating site in South Africa has launched with the express goal of putting women in the drivers’ seat. AdoptHim (does anyone else get a whiff of incest off the name?) claims to go beyond letting women block stalkers.

A man can’t see a woman’s profile or contact her until she adds him to a “whitelist” of approved members, encouraging greater profile completion by the men on the site. Men can also send virtual gifts (paid for with actual currency, of course) to show interest.

Back in the days of Spring Street Networks, I appreciated being able to have a profile that was only visible to members I contacted first. I haven’t found an existing online personals site with this feature, so maybe the AdoptHim guys are on to something.

In any event, get a new name. I can’t help but think the site is for male adult babies.

Why online dating sucks

Knowing “everything” about a girl via her profile made me trust her less than if I’d known nothing about her and we’d randomly met on the street. With online dating, I was always battling a sense of doubt, in both the profiles I browsed and in myself. Anyone can manicure their profile to present the exact image they want, but no amount of matched compatibility questions can equal the excitement of someone catching your eye at the grocery store or on campus the first time.

Amen, brother.

From Timothy Seppala‘s piece in Complex, 404s & Heartbreak: Why Online Dating Sucks

If you have to tell me you’re a “Nice Guy”…

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… you really aren’t nice. Buzzfeed pulls some awesomely awful quotes from self-proclaimed Nice Guys being real jerks. Case in point:

Now about me in a paragraph. Is that possible..? I am a nice guy. As a matter of fact, I think I am too nice. I think that’s part of my problem. Women say they want a nice guy but they seem to pick the douchbags. Then again, I’ve been told I’m an ***hole. So I’m probably the nicest ***hole you’ll ever meet.

I am large, I contain multitudes. Or maybe I’m just a jerk.

So what’s the jerkiest thing a so-called Nice Guy ever lobbed your way while online dating? Yours gets mine – and mine’s a doozy.