Is it REALLY so hard to pay attention to tone?

I know this is meant to be satire, but it brings up something serious – how hard it can be to learn the nuances of communicating with your partner.

While it should always be the responsibility of the speaker to make her – or his – feelings known, sometimes it’s hard to be perfectly frank and ask your boyfriend, say, to stay home. It makes me feel insecure and demanding to have to ask, and it’s disappointing to think that the person you’re with doesn’t want to spend time with you.

Do you wish you had a translator to understand what your partner wants?

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5 easy ways to make my knees snap shut on a date

Bored woman

(image credit)

Treat the waiter like crap. Societies are judged based on how we treat our least fortunate members, and I’m going to judge you based on how you treat the woman who refills your water glass. Say please and thank you, make eye contact, and tip. Otherwise, I’m going to think you’re a narcissistic, entitled shitheel.

Do all the talking. While I do want to learn more about you, make an effort to pick up on the signs. If I’m glazing over after the eighth straight minute of your soliloquy about a specific kind of diesel engine, change the subject and ask me what I drive. I promise I’ll do the same if you start nodding off while I’m talking about my dog.

Pay more attention to your phone than me. Chances are I shaved my legs and put on some very nice perfume for you. Put away your phone before you’re using it as a suppository.

Brag. So you have a vacation home and a boat and are accustomed to dating supermodels? How nice. All you’re really telling me is that you’re a superficial assclown whose priorities I don’t share, and that you’re probably lying.

Be picky. If there’s only one steakhouse you’ll go to, or only one part of town you’ll meet in, this tells me you’re inflexible, and possibly a bit of a snob. In any event, it’s high maintenance and not something I want to deal with on a first date. I once went out on an OKCupid date with a guy who didn’t like garlic, or onions, or dairy, or…

So those are my five date killers – what are yours? I’m curious how much overlap there is for men and women.

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