5 easy ways to make my knees snap shut on a date

Bored woman

(image credit)

Treat the waiter like crap. Societies are judged based on how we treat our least fortunate members, and I’m going to judge you based on how you treat the woman who refills your water glass. Say please and thank you, make eye contact, and tip. Otherwise, I’m going to think you’re a narcissistic, entitled shitheel.

Do all the talking. While I do want to learn more about you, make an effort to pick up on the signs. If I’m glazing over after the eighth straight minute of your soliloquy about a specific kind of diesel engine, change the subject and ask me what I drive. I promise I’ll do the same if you start nodding off while I’m talking about my dog.

Pay more attention to your phone than me. Chances are I shaved my legs and put on some very nice perfume for you. Put away your phone before you’re using it as a suppository.

Brag. So you have a vacation home and a boat and are accustomed to dating supermodels? How nice. All you’re really telling me is that you’re a superficial assclown whose priorities I don’t share, and that you’re probably lying.

Be picky. If there’s only one steakhouse you’ll go to, or only one part of town you’ll meet in, this tells me you’re inflexible, and possibly a bit of a snob. In any event, it’s high maintenance and not something I want to deal with on a first date. I once went out on an OKCupid date with a guy who didn’t like garlic, or onions, or dairy, or…

So those are my five date killers – what are yours? I’m curious how much overlap there is for men and women.

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